Week 6 Finding a Place

She was looking at new nail polish color- 'totally taupe'. It was a silly thing, but it made her happy. Something had to make her happy. She hadn't been in so long. Her mind was racing with all the things that had happened in the last two days. It started with her mother. Her horrible bitch mother. 

"You must move out immediately. When I was 16, I left my parents' home, and you are 18. I think you've been here too long. I'm not helping you either. You have a week to find a new place."

She didn't even know where to look. She wasn't even done with high school for another month. Now this? She was raised with this type of extremism. Every time her mother found a new church or a new hobby, she took Julie along with her. Making her part of everything and always telling her she wasn't good enough or doing it right. Then blaming her when things didn't work out. 

She had packed up the clothes she had and a few things she wanted and went to her friend Angela the next day. Why wait a week, she didn't have that much stuff. Luckily Angela understood, she had graduated high school the year before and was on her own now. She had a small one-bedroom apartment, but she told Julie they might be able to rent a better place together, she just had to find a job. They had spent the entire day the day before looking through ads and trying to find something. Most things required a degree or experience. Julie had neither of these.

As she walked to the cashier to purchase her nail polish, she saw a sign. A real sign, "now hiring". 

"What positions are you hiring for?" she asked a very stressed-out looking cashier who was smiling intensely. 

"Everything. We only have four cashiers, and we work a lot. Most of the time we are also stocking. would you like to work here?" Her eyes looked so hopefully. Then almost, like someone recruiting for a cult, " It's a great place to work. They have excellent benefits. It's like being with family and we all care about each other. The hours kind of suck, but we are doing something for the community because they can buy the things, they need without having to travel too far. We are all about community"

She made it sound so appealing. Like it was working for the church. A higher Calling. Julie didn't care she needed the money, and the sign was an excellent way to start her day. She purchased her nail polish and went online to the application. Her day was looking up. 

Then she called. Her mother. She let it go to voicemail.  She finished her application. Didn't listen to the voicemail and boarded the bus to go back to Angela's. Her phone rang on the bus, a number she didn't recognize, concerned it might be the store offering her a job she answered. 

"Hello?" she said meekly. 

"So you don't pick up for your mother, but you answer for a random stranger? What if it was an emergency? I didn't raise you like this you little bitch. I don't know how I gave birth to such an ungrateful brat who can't even be bothered to talk to her own mother." She was shouting. Her wrath was unbearable. She wanted to hang up but she was worried she would find her in person, it was best to deal with this episode over the phone. 

"Mother, I was in a job interview" tiny little lie, "I was just getting ready to call you back. I've been in and out of cellphone service today as well because I'm on the north side of town"

"It doesn't matter, when I call you should answer. I need to talk to you and see if you are picking up the rest of your stuff, otherwise I am going to throw it out. You left a lot of things here and I just don't want to deal with them. I'd like to forget you even lived here. You were a mistake you know." 

Julie had been through this before, it wasn't even a shock to hear these awful things from her own mother. She was raised as a constant disappointment, a mistake, like an object left from a failed relationship. Her mother had no regard for anyone's feelings but her own and the dreadful words spewing from her mouth came from a place which never seemed to run out.

"Yes mother. I know I was a mistake. I know my stuff still being there bothers you. I took what I needed and I don't really need anything else. You may throw it out if you wish." 

"If that's what you want, you can come get it. I'm just going to donate it" she seemed to be calming down. 

"Even better, it can go to people who need the stuff". 

"They're all a bunch of worthless, lazy, bums. Where did you have a job interview? It's about time you started working, you are 18. You should have got a job a long time ago"

 Here we go again. Half encouragement, half cut down. Like the 5k she didn't run fast enough, or the science fair she got second prize in, or even the dinners she'd cook that 'weren't bad but needed more salt'. Nothing was ever good enough. 

Nothing was ever enough. 

"Just at factory here on the north side." Have to keep the lies straight. "Oh I think I'm losing service. I'll call you later tonight, Love you"

"Ok, bye". Julie's mother always said she never tells people she loves them unless she really loves them. "Ok, Bye" was how she ended all their conversations. She wasn't really sure what she was going to do next, but she was going to talk to Angela about finding some counseling options, because after being out of the house and away from her mother for two days, she realized what a messed-up world she had been living in all these years. Maybe when she went back to school tomorrow, they could help her with this....